At the cricket match they had 100 rupee beers, which is like having dollar beers, but at a major sporting event. Stefan, the German guy, had quite a few and had to be removed from the stadium by another friend before the police got involved. Also, whenever Sri Lanka did anything good, all the Sri Lankans would yell and cheer. It didn't sound like normal cheering, though. It sounded like the Ewoks when they took down an AT-AT.
I know my roommates were expecting more from me on this front, but I really haven't written about diarrhea much. Let's change that. This past week I've been having some "digestive issues". It has been painful and not fun. All the bacteria in my colon decided to have a Christmas Eve party. I laid in bed feeling as though I was stabbed in the stomach with a knife every 15 minutes. I took 5 dumps in as many hours. I actually started getting pain from my sports hernia from all the pushing. It kinda reminded me of a 5 hour labor, but I didn't get a child in the end, just more feces. I think our mom put enema juice on our curry.
Christmas Eve Mass was pretty cool. It was at midnight with a Bishop and was half in English. After the Mass, they had carols outside and the kids got gifts given to them from a guy dressed as Santa. I thought he should have been dressed as Jesus, but that might not have been appropriate. They also had fireworks. Yeah, yeah, sparklers, some little bottle rockets, and even a few bigger bottle rockets, but that's not all. Remember, I'm still in Sri Lanka. They had fountains. Those are the things you set on the ground and shoot sparks in the air. These were not little, nor were they a safe distance away from the crowd. They were set off with no warning close, but not within the crowd. I actually saw a child running while sparks fell around her. It was fantastic.
I leave here at 11:30 tonight on my 4 hour, 90 mile journey to the airport. The roads here suck. Since I packed, I'm no longer worried about the weight of my bags, but I'm still getting to the airport obnoxiously early: 4 hours. I can wonder around that or lay in my room. The airport will likely be cooler at least. Then it's a short 12 hour flight to London, 2 hour layover, 9 hour flight to Chicago, probably some sort of a layover, and then a 45 minute hop to Madison. I leave Sri Lanka at 7:30am, and arrive at Madison at 10:30 pm. I'll keep track of how many times I have to use the bathroom and if they have to make an emergency stop at Dubai because one of the flight attendants swears there's a biological weapon on board.
Thanks for those of you who've read my blog and left comments. I'll see you all eventually.
My last note will be to my family, who has been very supportive: Chicken burrito, black beans, mild salsa, cheese, and sour cream.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wedding #2
Michelle and Marieke were talking the other day and Michelle asked Marieke how much her bag weighed. Marieke replied, "70 liters." This massive misuse of units bothered me quite a lot, so I said, "That's like saying 'I'm 4 days tall." The only exception is that guys are allowed to measure water temperature in units of length.
On Monday Kate and I went to a Buddhist wedding, which was pretty cool. She was wearing a sari and I was in a shirt and tie, but since we were the only white people there, there was a lot of staring at us. All the women wore saris, but I think only immediate family (and me) wore ties. some of the guys wore jeans. There was quite a discrepancy in the level of effort that went into dressing for this. We sat around talking for a while and I think one of the cousins got dispatched as our guide because she was one of about 9 people who spoke english at this wedding. She was nice, and we chatted with her friends and her for most of the time. They played the most random musical selection I've ever heard. They started with every slow song from all of our high school dances and then into some Sri Lankan music, then back to English. Then I hear, "Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside." I laughed out loud. The actual ceremony was all in Sinhala, so I had no idea what was going on. About 50 of us packed into a regular sized living room and nobody bothered to turn on a fan. It's ok, it was only 90, they need at least triple digits to get hot here. I was sweating profusely. They did some stuff with leaves and the guy leading kept checking his watch. There was a little staircase that the bride and groom walked down at exactly 11am, so I think that's what all the time checking was about. Also, there were about 15 cell phone rings during the ceremony, 5 by the best man's. I think Craig would have killed me. And not only did the phones ring, people answered them. There seems to be no social norm for cell phones here or even for talking while other people are, it's kinda uncomfortable. Anyway, after we left the living room/oven, we went back out into the sun to chat some more. I noticed that all the men older than 18 or so were at the house down the hill. Eventually, one of the girls asked if I wanted a beer. It was a little after noon, and I didn't want to be rude, so she took me to the other house. Apparently, all the men were down there getting smashed. I had a beer (which are 675 mL here, so it's like 2 and a half beers from home) and they were offering me another. I hadn't eaten much and didn't want to be drunk, so I went up and ate instead. The food was good, but since this is Sir Lanka, we all ate with our hands. I only got a little on me. After that we sat in the sun some more and we wondering when the dancing would start. Not long after, a group of guys, obviously drunk, cleared off a dance floor and started dancing. In true wedding fashion, they were complete with the obligatory "Drunken Uncle". He was hammered and kept trying to dance with Kate. Don't worry, I was a good date and stood to the side taking pictures. We danced and sweated like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee (that's an old one, but I still like it). It was pretty fun and was intensely Sri Lankan, so it was good to have a nice cultural experience. They had a "homecoming" party for the bride and groom 2 days later. We didn't go to that because we had work, but I'm sure it was nice.
I've been in the Intensive Therapy Unit this week, which is pretty interesting. Japanese Encephalitis is some scary shit. Also, leptosporosis. (bacterial infection gotten from rat urine while working in rice paddies) A woman was admitted today with burns over 63% of her body (2nd and 3rd degree) from "suicidal burns from kerosine oil". She looks absolutely awful and is in extreme amounts of pain. The burns happened on November 26th. And she still is in constant pain. I don't even think she's on any analgesics (It's pronounced "ANalgesic", the pills go in your mouth.) They had to wash her today and she screamed the entire time. I think I would have, too.
Yesterday I started hearing this weird echoing noise while Kate was talking. I thought it was her, but no, it's me. I fell asleep for like a half hour listening to music with only the bud in my right ear, but oddly enough, my left ear is hearing weird. I may have a tumor. Anyway, every higher pitched noise sounds robotic. If someone said, "Roger, roger," like the droids from Star Wars, it would sound exactly like the movie. But only my left ear hears that, my right ear hears normally. So, when the nurses at the hospital talk, or the burn victim screams, I hear it normally, and then with a demonic echo attached. It's really weird, but I kinda like it, as long as it goes away soon.
There's a cricket match between England and Sri Lanka that's been going on for the past few weeks. They play 3 matches over a course of 3 weeks because eatch match takes 5 days. That's kinda the only cool thing about cricket, it's always going on during the week. It's like March Madness or the Olympics, except much more boring to watch. It's still cool to see though because in Galle you can sit on the walls of this huge fort and watch the match. Someone said about 9,000 English people came here to see the match. Cricket is actually more boring than baseball, but since it's new, I can stand it enough.
Good luck to everyone who still have finals. And, for everyone who's done, have a rum and coke for me. Dustin, have 9 Long Islands.
-Kurt
On Monday Kate and I went to a Buddhist wedding, which was pretty cool. She was wearing a sari and I was in a shirt and tie, but since we were the only white people there, there was a lot of staring at us. All the women wore saris, but I think only immediate family (and me) wore ties. some of the guys wore jeans. There was quite a discrepancy in the level of effort that went into dressing for this. We sat around talking for a while and I think one of the cousins got dispatched as our guide because she was one of about 9 people who spoke english at this wedding. She was nice, and we chatted with her friends and her for most of the time. They played the most random musical selection I've ever heard. They started with every slow song from all of our high school dances and then into some Sri Lankan music, then back to English. Then I hear, "Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside." I laughed out loud. The actual ceremony was all in Sinhala, so I had no idea what was going on. About 50 of us packed into a regular sized living room and nobody bothered to turn on a fan. It's ok, it was only 90, they need at least triple digits to get hot here. I was sweating profusely. They did some stuff with leaves and the guy leading kept checking his watch. There was a little staircase that the bride and groom walked down at exactly 11am, so I think that's what all the time checking was about. Also, there were about 15 cell phone rings during the ceremony, 5 by the best man's. I think Craig would have killed me. And not only did the phones ring, people answered them. There seems to be no social norm for cell phones here or even for talking while other people are, it's kinda uncomfortable. Anyway, after we left the living room/oven, we went back out into the sun to chat some more. I noticed that all the men older than 18 or so were at the house down the hill. Eventually, one of the girls asked if I wanted a beer. It was a little after noon, and I didn't want to be rude, so she took me to the other house. Apparently, all the men were down there getting smashed. I had a beer (which are 675 mL here, so it's like 2 and a half beers from home) and they were offering me another. I hadn't eaten much and didn't want to be drunk, so I went up and ate instead. The food was good, but since this is Sir Lanka, we all ate with our hands. I only got a little on me. After that we sat in the sun some more and we wondering when the dancing would start. Not long after, a group of guys, obviously drunk, cleared off a dance floor and started dancing. In true wedding fashion, they were complete with the obligatory "Drunken Uncle". He was hammered and kept trying to dance with Kate. Don't worry, I was a good date and stood to the side taking pictures. We danced and sweated like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee (that's an old one, but I still like it). It was pretty fun and was intensely Sri Lankan, so it was good to have a nice cultural experience. They had a "homecoming" party for the bride and groom 2 days later. We didn't go to that because we had work, but I'm sure it was nice.
I've been in the Intensive Therapy Unit this week, which is pretty interesting. Japanese Encephalitis is some scary shit. Also, leptosporosis. (bacterial infection gotten from rat urine while working in rice paddies) A woman was admitted today with burns over 63% of her body (2nd and 3rd degree) from "suicidal burns from kerosine oil". She looks absolutely awful and is in extreme amounts of pain. The burns happened on November 26th. And she still is in constant pain. I don't even think she's on any analgesics (It's pronounced "ANalgesic", the pills go in your mouth.) They had to wash her today and she screamed the entire time. I think I would have, too.
Yesterday I started hearing this weird echoing noise while Kate was talking. I thought it was her, but no, it's me. I fell asleep for like a half hour listening to music with only the bud in my right ear, but oddly enough, my left ear is hearing weird. I may have a tumor. Anyway, every higher pitched noise sounds robotic. If someone said, "Roger, roger," like the droids from Star Wars, it would sound exactly like the movie. But only my left ear hears that, my right ear hears normally. So, when the nurses at the hospital talk, or the burn victim screams, I hear it normally, and then with a demonic echo attached. It's really weird, but I kinda like it, as long as it goes away soon.
There's a cricket match between England and Sri Lanka that's been going on for the past few weeks. They play 3 matches over a course of 3 weeks because eatch match takes 5 days. That's kinda the only cool thing about cricket, it's always going on during the week. It's like March Madness or the Olympics, except much more boring to watch. It's still cool to see though because in Galle you can sit on the walls of this huge fort and watch the match. Someone said about 9,000 English people came here to see the match. Cricket is actually more boring than baseball, but since it's new, I can stand it enough.
Good luck to everyone who still have finals. And, for everyone who's done, have a rum and coke for me. Dustin, have 9 Long Islands.
-Kurt
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Thoughts and Musings
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. But I did see two dogs having sex on the beach today. That's gotta be worth something.
So there's this dog that lives behind our house that barks all day and all night. And it's a yippy bark, so it's just awful to listen to. There are many nights and mornings at 6am that I can't sleep because he won't shut up that I lie there hoping I'll hear a gunshot and then silence. Really, every time I hear a dog yelp or a car screech to a halt I hope that dog is dying. A month and a half of listening to this thing drives me to think like that. If you ever need to get information out of me, just put me in a room with a yippy dog that won't shut up.
Dustin, I found the perfect gift for you, but I didn't buy it at the time and now I can't find another one. I walked on the beach today looking for the lady selling it and waited for an hour. Don't worry though, I told the German guy that if he ever saw that lady again, he has to buy your gift. You'll probably have it next week. You know how efficient those Germans are.
I worked with a bunch of med students this past week that were really fun. They all wanted me to come on rounds with them and I seemed like a prize when I was hanging out with them at the hospital. One of them was joking that he could get me one of the girls if I wanted. I don't think he knows the word "pimp" so I didn't make a joke about it. There's also a Muslim student and they made a bunch of jokes about him and Al-Queda. I thought that was a bit insensitive.
In Orthopedics I went on rounds with the med students and the consultant (head of the department). It was pretty fun, especially when the consultant (who has two lazy eyes) started asking me a bunch of questions. Usually he would just hand a random student an X-ray and then ask them to describe it. He took an interest in me, so I answered quite a few questions for him. Somewhere in my description of the educational system of America to the med students, I failed to explain adequately that I've studied for 4 years, but NOT medicine. This got passed on to the consultant who thought I was a 4 year med students like the rest of the people I was with. I still managed to answer the questions as well as the other students though, which I'll take as a victory.
On Friday night I passed out at 11pm. I had drank over 2 liters of beer and over a half liter of arrack, in my defense. Saturday night we tried to go to a club, but there was no party that night, so Stefan and I got lost going back to our hotel. We were trying to find the ocean, but we ran into dense jungle and a wall. 20 minutes later we decided to return to where we left and then just follow the ocean from there.
Last time I checked, the Hawks were over .500. I'm scared to check again.
I leave here in 10 days. It seems kinda weird that I'll be going home. It seems even weirder that I'll have a 35 hour day on December 27th. They really need to make use of Jack changing time zones to get more time.
So there's this dog that lives behind our house that barks all day and all night. And it's a yippy bark, so it's just awful to listen to. There are many nights and mornings at 6am that I can't sleep because he won't shut up that I lie there hoping I'll hear a gunshot and then silence. Really, every time I hear a dog yelp or a car screech to a halt I hope that dog is dying. A month and a half of listening to this thing drives me to think like that. If you ever need to get information out of me, just put me in a room with a yippy dog that won't shut up.
Dustin, I found the perfect gift for you, but I didn't buy it at the time and now I can't find another one. I walked on the beach today looking for the lady selling it and waited for an hour. Don't worry though, I told the German guy that if he ever saw that lady again, he has to buy your gift. You'll probably have it next week. You know how efficient those Germans are.
I worked with a bunch of med students this past week that were really fun. They all wanted me to come on rounds with them and I seemed like a prize when I was hanging out with them at the hospital. One of them was joking that he could get me one of the girls if I wanted. I don't think he knows the word "pimp" so I didn't make a joke about it. There's also a Muslim student and they made a bunch of jokes about him and Al-Queda. I thought that was a bit insensitive.
In Orthopedics I went on rounds with the med students and the consultant (head of the department). It was pretty fun, especially when the consultant (who has two lazy eyes) started asking me a bunch of questions. Usually he would just hand a random student an X-ray and then ask them to describe it. He took an interest in me, so I answered quite a few questions for him. Somewhere in my description of the educational system of America to the med students, I failed to explain adequately that I've studied for 4 years, but NOT medicine. This got passed on to the consultant who thought I was a 4 year med students like the rest of the people I was with. I still managed to answer the questions as well as the other students though, which I'll take as a victory.
On Friday night I passed out at 11pm. I had drank over 2 liters of beer and over a half liter of arrack, in my defense. Saturday night we tried to go to a club, but there was no party that night, so Stefan and I got lost going back to our hotel. We were trying to find the ocean, but we ran into dense jungle and a wall. 20 minutes later we decided to return to where we left and then just follow the ocean from there.
Last time I checked, the Hawks were over .500. I'm scared to check again.
I leave here in 10 days. It seems kinda weird that I'll be going home. It seems even weirder that I'll have a 35 hour day on December 27th. They really need to make use of Jack changing time zones to get more time.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Hmmm
We had a Christmas party with all the volunteers this weekend. The Projects Abroad staff took us to a nice hotel for dinner, which was really good food and gave us all santa hats. Oh yeah, also all the free booze we could drink. That was an important perk. We all got drunk.
I was in endoscopy this past week and it turns out that we, indeed, are full of shit.
I was also in the orthopedic ward this week and saw lots of cool X-rays. Some were of arms or legs that had been broken before, so they had metal plates fixing their bones. But they got into another accident and managed to break their metal plates. And this was in more than one X-ray. You'd think they'd use something stronger, possibly adamantium. I guess they're going to stick with Reynolds Wrap crushed into a bar for now at least.
We had another weekend at the beach. I love December. The son in our house said he has to move to a different room because "it's cold this time of year." He really needs to know what Wisconsin feels like. I might mail him some snow when I get back.
Oh yeah, back to endoscopy. This joke is mostly for Craig, but if there are any more closet Carlin fans out there, here you go. They stick this really long black camera with a light on it up your ass for a colonoscopy. That falls into the category "smaller than a fist" but it's much less loving than a dildo.
They had these guys dancing with fire at the club on Friday. They had little torches on the end of these ropes and were spinning them around. Then they let two of our girls try. I can't think of a worse idea.
I was in endoscopy this past week and it turns out that we, indeed, are full of shit.
I was also in the orthopedic ward this week and saw lots of cool X-rays. Some were of arms or legs that had been broken before, so they had metal plates fixing their bones. But they got into another accident and managed to break their metal plates. And this was in more than one X-ray. You'd think they'd use something stronger, possibly adamantium. I guess they're going to stick with Reynolds Wrap crushed into a bar for now at least.
We had another weekend at the beach. I love December. The son in our house said he has to move to a different room because "it's cold this time of year." He really needs to know what Wisconsin feels like. I might mail him some snow when I get back.
Oh yeah, back to endoscopy. This joke is mostly for Craig, but if there are any more closet Carlin fans out there, here you go. They stick this really long black camera with a light on it up your ass for a colonoscopy. That falls into the category "smaller than a fist" but it's much less loving than a dildo.
They had these guys dancing with fire at the club on Friday. They had little torches on the end of these ropes and were spinning them around. Then they let two of our girls try. I can't think of a worse idea.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sigiriya and Random Dancing
It snowed yesterday. Not here. Somewhere else. Probably Wisconsin. Here it was really hot and I sunburned one of my arms at the beach.
British people watch the British Office, but they think it's better than ours. Their "Jim" is named "Tim".
We went to Sigiriya and Kandy 2 weekends ago. Sigiriya was the capitol long ago and there's the ruins of a fortress on top of this huge rock. There may be pictures of it on the site. Anyway, you have to climb up a ways to get to the top. There's a little flat area just before the last climb and it had a lot of monkeys. One was letting us stand very close to it, but when I tried to take a picture, it came at me. Like, it actually tried to bite me. Good thing I have cat-like speed and reflexes. So we're standing there taking pictures of the non-aggressive monkeys when it starts to rain. Like, really rain. We go stand under a tree with some locals to stay dry and after about 15 mins, it kinda clears up. There are still more stairs to go, but we got this far, screw the rain. So, we decide to go for it. Now, the last staircase, after the really slippery rock steps, looks like a fire escape from the Projects. But in worse shape. Some locals advise us to take our shoes off cuz it'd be less slippery. My sandals strap to my feet and are rockstarish, so I keep them on. As we begin our climb, it's going well. It's us and then like 2 other people deciding to go for it at this point. No local is that dumb. As we get to the rickety metal part, we notice that it's built next to the rock face, so some of the stairs are like 6 inches wide and then just hit the rock with a jagged border. I've seen less tetanus at the Rusty Metal Emporium. And most people have no shoes on. We survive the climb, but we had to do the last part using our hands and feet. The view is nice, yadda, yadda, now we have to get back down. But we have a new enemy: gravity. We took it nice and slow and kept the fatalities to zero.
This past weekend we went to the beach and relaxed. On Friday night we went to a club, but the girls we were with didn't want to hang out with us for some reason, so it was just Sam, Stefan, and me. That's not about to ruin our night. I ran out onto the floor and broke out every dance move I had, including the Carlton. Sam then did The Terrorist. I then broke out the Shopping Cart. Then it spiraled out of control. This night and the next we would make up something to do and then next person had to do it. Some examples: pretend you're a seed bloom into a tree and die, you're an octopus born in the desert and you're confused, vampire bite at least 10 people, do the foxtrot with a sri lankan, get 2 sri lankans to join hands with you and spin in a circle, grab a flag and do a dance with it, ask all the tables if they've seen your lost chicken, start dancing and then pretend you're scared of music, and get a girl to sit on my shoulders and do the YMCA motions. That last one took me 20 minutes, but I did it. Boredom is the greatest of all inventors. (Take THAT Edison.)
Some posts I considered doing, but didn't for whatever reason: The Battle of Kurt's Colon, Animals I want to Kill, and Sri Lankan Food: Tasty, but what the Hell am I Eating?
Capital One Bowl again?
And Illinois in the Rose Bowl? Has black become white?
-Kurt
British people watch the British Office, but they think it's better than ours. Their "Jim" is named "Tim".
We went to Sigiriya and Kandy 2 weekends ago. Sigiriya was the capitol long ago and there's the ruins of a fortress on top of this huge rock. There may be pictures of it on the site. Anyway, you have to climb up a ways to get to the top. There's a little flat area just before the last climb and it had a lot of monkeys. One was letting us stand very close to it, but when I tried to take a picture, it came at me. Like, it actually tried to bite me. Good thing I have cat-like speed and reflexes. So we're standing there taking pictures of the non-aggressive monkeys when it starts to rain. Like, really rain. We go stand under a tree with some locals to stay dry and after about 15 mins, it kinda clears up. There are still more stairs to go, but we got this far, screw the rain. So, we decide to go for it. Now, the last staircase, after the really slippery rock steps, looks like a fire escape from the Projects. But in worse shape. Some locals advise us to take our shoes off cuz it'd be less slippery. My sandals strap to my feet and are rockstarish, so I keep them on. As we begin our climb, it's going well. It's us and then like 2 other people deciding to go for it at this point. No local is that dumb. As we get to the rickety metal part, we notice that it's built next to the rock face, so some of the stairs are like 6 inches wide and then just hit the rock with a jagged border. I've seen less tetanus at the Rusty Metal Emporium. And most people have no shoes on. We survive the climb, but we had to do the last part using our hands and feet. The view is nice, yadda, yadda, now we have to get back down. But we have a new enemy: gravity. We took it nice and slow and kept the fatalities to zero.
This past weekend we went to the beach and relaxed. On Friday night we went to a club, but the girls we were with didn't want to hang out with us for some reason, so it was just Sam, Stefan, and me. That's not about to ruin our night. I ran out onto the floor and broke out every dance move I had, including the Carlton. Sam then did The Terrorist. I then broke out the Shopping Cart. Then it spiraled out of control. This night and the next we would make up something to do and then next person had to do it. Some examples: pretend you're a seed bloom into a tree and die, you're an octopus born in the desert and you're confused, vampire bite at least 10 people, do the foxtrot with a sri lankan, get 2 sri lankans to join hands with you and spin in a circle, grab a flag and do a dance with it, ask all the tables if they've seen your lost chicken, start dancing and then pretend you're scared of music, and get a girl to sit on my shoulders and do the YMCA motions. That last one took me 20 minutes, but I did it. Boredom is the greatest of all inventors. (Take THAT Edison.)
Some posts I considered doing, but didn't for whatever reason: The Battle of Kurt's Colon, Animals I want to Kill, and Sri Lankan Food: Tasty, but what the Hell am I Eating?
Capital One Bowl again?
And Illinois in the Rose Bowl? Has black become white?
-Kurt
Monday, December 3, 2007
Heart Surgery (Post 2)
Heart Surgery is freaking awesome. When I was sent there I was just told to change and then just go in. I walk into the room and one of the techs tells me to go watch. No introduction, no preamble, nothing. Just, "Go and look." After just having spent a week in a mini operation room and nearly passing out a few times, I was a little worried about seeing an open chest cavity. And when I'm watching, I stand right at the patient's head, surrounded by important tubes such as the ones that let them breathe or keep them asleep. These are tubes that need to stay connected. If I faint and fall into these things, I will kill the person. And not like, they'll be messed up, they will actually die. This thought stays with me as I approach the operating table. As I get my first view of an open chest, I'm completely fine. I don't feel like I'm going to faint at all. This is a good feeling because I don't know the penalty for accidental murder in Sri Lanka. I'm guessing it involves tying parts of my body to different elephants and then releasing 3 lions onto the scene. It's also probably televised.
Pretty much, this past week I've been watching various heart surgeries and talking to doctors that are performing heart surgery. I feel like I shouldn't be distracting them, but they like talking, so it's all good. To get to the heart, first, you have to cut through your chest skin. this is done with a scalpel at first. It is then continued with a cauterizing knife. While this is going on, all you can smell is burning flesh. It smells like meat mixed with rubber. After you get through the skin and fat (they're having heart surgery, even here it's still mostly fat people) you need to get through the sternum. What would you use to accomplish that? I think I'd go for the handheld saw and cut the bone in half. They have this little saw that quite easily gets through the sternum, but thankfully it's pretty quiet, so you can hear the bone being cut. After that it's more cauterizing. This time to the sides of the cut sternum and surrounding tissue. And, I kid you not, it smells like ribs you'd order at Damons. I'm watching this guy's chest get cut open, all I can think about is barbecue sauce.
The heart itself is kinda red and has some yellow because of the fat. I really think I'm going to do more cardio when I get home. It looks only kinda like it does in anatomy books, and the veins and arteries aren't colored blue and red respectively. Lying books. It looks really cool to see a beating heart. And it's weird because I could actually reach out and touch it if I wanted to. I do, but since I'm not sterile, that would be way #2 I could kill the patient. After getting to the heart they have to attach all these tubes so the blood can go to a bypass machine so the heart can stop beating. In case you didn't already assume, when you cut into an atrium, blood spurts out. Randomly when they're finishing up, one of the sutures won't be tight enough and a little fountain of blood will start to rise. The surgeon usually just puts his finger on it like it's a Pepsi bottle that's leaking. Sometimes the surgeon will get a facefull of blood. There really is blood everywhere.
For cardiac artery bypass surgery, they take a huge vein out of the person's leg from their ankle to their knee and then graft it onto the heart and aorta. For valve replacements, they just cut out the old ones and then sew the new one in. It's not exactly that easy, and the surgeries take about 4 or 5 hours, but that's pretty much how it's done.
There was a lady today that weighed 85 kg. If you convert that to pounds it comes out to "Too Much". So she needed a new valve. Also a diet. After the doctors got through all the fat and finally go to the heart, it was ridiculous. It was like the scene when the Grinch is finally filled with the spirit of Christmas when he hears all the Whos down in Whoville singing. Operating on her enormous yellow heart was harder than usual and when they got done, she was fibrillating, so they got out the little heart paddles and shocked her 3 times before the heart stopped that. A little later the surgeon was sewing the atrium back together and his head and arms just kinda dropped in defeated disappointment because the ventricle was fibrillating again. He got back out the paddles and shocked her again. Later, he rolled his eyes at a tube because it sprayed blood all over his chest and face. I left after they had to put her on an external pacemaker because her heart wouldn't go back to normal. Honestly, her ECG looked like an earthquake. *Insert your own fat person walking joke here*
Heart surgery is pretty sweet, but you know what's even better? And by 'even better' I mean, 'better than Green Bay'. The Dallas Cowboys.
-Kurt
Pretty much, this past week I've been watching various heart surgeries and talking to doctors that are performing heart surgery. I feel like I shouldn't be distracting them, but they like talking, so it's all good. To get to the heart, first, you have to cut through your chest skin. this is done with a scalpel at first. It is then continued with a cauterizing knife. While this is going on, all you can smell is burning flesh. It smells like meat mixed with rubber. After you get through the skin and fat (they're having heart surgery, even here it's still mostly fat people) you need to get through the sternum. What would you use to accomplish that? I think I'd go for the handheld saw and cut the bone in half. They have this little saw that quite easily gets through the sternum, but thankfully it's pretty quiet, so you can hear the bone being cut. After that it's more cauterizing. This time to the sides of the cut sternum and surrounding tissue. And, I kid you not, it smells like ribs you'd order at Damons. I'm watching this guy's chest get cut open, all I can think about is barbecue sauce.
The heart itself is kinda red and has some yellow because of the fat. I really think I'm going to do more cardio when I get home. It looks only kinda like it does in anatomy books, and the veins and arteries aren't colored blue and red respectively. Lying books. It looks really cool to see a beating heart. And it's weird because I could actually reach out and touch it if I wanted to. I do, but since I'm not sterile, that would be way #2 I could kill the patient. After getting to the heart they have to attach all these tubes so the blood can go to a bypass machine so the heart can stop beating. In case you didn't already assume, when you cut into an atrium, blood spurts out. Randomly when they're finishing up, one of the sutures won't be tight enough and a little fountain of blood will start to rise. The surgeon usually just puts his finger on it like it's a Pepsi bottle that's leaking. Sometimes the surgeon will get a facefull of blood. There really is blood everywhere.
For cardiac artery bypass surgery, they take a huge vein out of the person's leg from their ankle to their knee and then graft it onto the heart and aorta. For valve replacements, they just cut out the old ones and then sew the new one in. It's not exactly that easy, and the surgeries take about 4 or 5 hours, but that's pretty much how it's done.
There was a lady today that weighed 85 kg. If you convert that to pounds it comes out to "Too Much". So she needed a new valve. Also a diet. After the doctors got through all the fat and finally go to the heart, it was ridiculous. It was like the scene when the Grinch is finally filled with the spirit of Christmas when he hears all the Whos down in Whoville singing. Operating on her enormous yellow heart was harder than usual and when they got done, she was fibrillating, so they got out the little heart paddles and shocked her 3 times before the heart stopped that. A little later the surgeon was sewing the atrium back together and his head and arms just kinda dropped in defeated disappointment because the ventricle was fibrillating again. He got back out the paddles and shocked her again. Later, he rolled his eyes at a tube because it sprayed blood all over his chest and face. I left after they had to put her on an external pacemaker because her heart wouldn't go back to normal. Honestly, her ECG looked like an earthquake. *Insert your own fat person walking joke here*
Heart surgery is pretty sweet, but you know what's even better? And by 'even better' I mean, 'better than Green Bay'. The Dallas Cowboys.
-Kurt
CTU
The following takes place from 10am to 11am.
Jack is standing over a man on the operating table. He's been in surgery for the past hour and has just put the man on cardiac bypass.
Jack: Chloe, this doesn't look good. See if you can upload his vitals to my PDA.
Chloe: I'm trying, Jack, but the satellite is backed up and we're swamped here.
Jack: I know, just do it as soon as you can. I'm not going to lose this guy.
Chloe: Ok, I sent them and I'm also cross checking his history with the Cardiac Institute of America (CIA) database to see if he's had any complications we don't know about.
Jack makes another cut to continue the valve replacement. He looks to his right and sees a pool of blood forming on the floor.
Jack: What's that? Chloe I think we have a leak in CTU.
Chloe: In the bypass machine? Jack, there's no way we can shut that down right now.
Jack: You need to make sure that workstation is shut down or this entire operation will be compromised.
Chloe: Ok, I'll see what I can do.
Chloe gives the info to the Head of Surgery. He looks it over and calls for security. They go over to the bypass technician.
Head: Sir, I'm going to have to shut this workstation down until further notice. These men will take you to holding.
A separate machine comes in to replace the old one. Jack continues surgery.
Jack: Chloe, I'm having trouble uplinking these two arteries. I may have to go by a different route.
Chloe: Jack, you know CTU won't approve of that and it's hard enough covering for you as it is.
Jack: I'm sorry, but there isn't enough time, we need to finish this now before it's too late.
Jack switches to a different artery and makes the connection.
Jack: Ok, I think this is done. I'm going to take him off bypass and restart his heart.
Jack removes the tubes and gives the injection to kick the heart back on. The heart starts beating erratically.
Jack: Get me the defibrillator!
Chloe: There's no way you're going to shock this man. Give it more time.
Jack: We don't have time, we need to bring him back.
Chloe: They're going to bring you in and I'll lose my job if I get you the defibrillator, I can't do it.
Jack: Fine.
Jack grabs a nearby lamp and pulls the cords out. He splits them and takes them over to the patient.
Jack: Don't make me do this.
Patient:......
Jack: Clear!
Jack shocks the heart and the whole patient's body jumps. The heart beats normally again.
Jack: Alright, Chloe, I think this is done. We just got a tip that there's a man carrying a clot in his body. I'm going to check him out.
Jack is standing over a man on the operating table. He's been in surgery for the past hour and has just put the man on cardiac bypass.
Jack: Chloe, this doesn't look good. See if you can upload his vitals to my PDA.
Chloe: I'm trying, Jack, but the satellite is backed up and we're swamped here.
Jack: I know, just do it as soon as you can. I'm not going to lose this guy.
Chloe: Ok, I sent them and I'm also cross checking his history with the Cardiac Institute of America (CIA) database to see if he's had any complications we don't know about.
Jack makes another cut to continue the valve replacement. He looks to his right and sees a pool of blood forming on the floor.
Jack: What's that? Chloe I think we have a leak in CTU.
Chloe: In the bypass machine? Jack, there's no way we can shut that down right now.
Jack: You need to make sure that workstation is shut down or this entire operation will be compromised.
Chloe: Ok, I'll see what I can do.
Chloe gives the info to the Head of Surgery. He looks it over and calls for security. They go over to the bypass technician.
Head: Sir, I'm going to have to shut this workstation down until further notice. These men will take you to holding.
A separate machine comes in to replace the old one. Jack continues surgery.
Jack: Chloe, I'm having trouble uplinking these two arteries. I may have to go by a different route.
Chloe: Jack, you know CTU won't approve of that and it's hard enough covering for you as it is.
Jack: I'm sorry, but there isn't enough time, we need to finish this now before it's too late.
Jack switches to a different artery and makes the connection.
Jack: Ok, I think this is done. I'm going to take him off bypass and restart his heart.
Jack removes the tubes and gives the injection to kick the heart back on. The heart starts beating erratically.
Jack: Get me the defibrillator!
Chloe: There's no way you're going to shock this man. Give it more time.
Jack: We don't have time, we need to bring him back.
Chloe: They're going to bring you in and I'll lose my job if I get you the defibrillator, I can't do it.
Jack: Fine.
Jack grabs a nearby lamp and pulls the cords out. He splits them and takes them over to the patient.
Jack: Don't make me do this.
Patient:......
Jack: Clear!
Jack shocks the heart and the whole patient's body jumps. The heart beats normally again.
Jack: Alright, Chloe, I think this is done. We just got a tip that there's a man carrying a clot in his body. I'm going to check him out.
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