They drink a lot of tea here, kinda like in England. It's also ridiculously hot here when it's not raining. I get offered tea lot at work, but I'm also sweating a lot. It's kind of like getting addicted to a bad reality TV show, like Age of Love. You watch the first episode because you're bored or curious. Then you watch it again next week. You know it's bad for you, but you just can't stop. Then every week you just keep watching. The tea is just so good I can't say no, but it just makes me hotter.
I totally forgot a joke during my obnoxiously graphic labor room description: I hear screaming in there like I've never heard from anyone before. Before you make jokes about my inability to please a woman, it's more the kind of screaming if Jessica Alba had sex with Shaq. But without the sound of a pelvis shattering.
Ok, I have to go now. We're going to Ella (Ella!) this weekend. I'll post more pictures next week.
Kurt
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Women's Hospital, the Wedding, the Brothel, and The Bet
I forgot to mention this earlier, but they have giant bats here. Like, bigger than any crow at home. We saw one fly over the other day and I asked Lisette if she thought he was off to fight crime. In another joke she didn't get, we were talking about how the Netherlands is below sea level and she asked if any other countries were. I told her only Atlantis.
I'm going to start today with stories from the women's hospital. They will be graphic.
Ketumathie was a mansion that was donated by the owners as a hospital. It's really nice and pretty much better than Base Hospital in every way. What I do is pretty unorganized so it's kinda random (I sat in the neo-natal care ward for an hour waiting for someone who never came.) But I've been spending lots of time in the labor room:
You walk into a room that's lit, but not bright. Seven beds lay in front of you, each holding a woman. As you bat the flies away from your head, you're greeted by someone wearing a rubber apron and bloody gloves. You hear screaming from all sides. Immediately to your right there is a woman with her legs spread apart and blood covering her genitals. The next bed over the woman is screaming as three people are yelling at her and pushing on her stomach. A head emerges and then the rest of a pale creature, still attached by a cord. Even though the mother has stooped screaming, the child takes over with screams of his own. As the baby is taken away, the mother is still bleeding. Mere feet away, the woman next to her just witnessed the fate that would be hers in a few short minutes.
That narrative aside, the labor room isn't much different. There are seven beds and there were 3 births within an hour on Friday. There's a lot of blood and I can't help imagining that most of my cheerleader friends will never have normal childbirths. There has been tearing in every one I've seen. They actually usually cut the tear so it's at least controlled. The actual birth is surprisingly non-bloody. The baby is whiteish and screams a lot. On Friday, after the birth, the doctor that delivered cut the umbilical cord and then ran, actually ran, across the labor room to this little emergency table while holding a 3 second old baby. Many nurses rushed over and a man wearing jeans even came into the room to give his expertise. (I'm guessing he was one of the senior doctors.) The baby wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating normally. They fixed the problems, so the baby is fine, but it was kinda tense for a little bit. They do actually wear gloves in this hospital because you kinda have to, so that's good. I also work with a doctor doing charting for him. We saw 50 babies in an hour and 45 minutes. I pretty much wrote as fast as I could the whole time.
A little backstory: We usually go out on weekends and drink. I kinda get tired and fall asleep at times in bars. They even made of game of stacking stuff on me and whoever woke me up lost. I even provide entertainment while sleeping. Anyway, I've gotten a reputation for falling asleep, so they decided to take bets on when I'll fall asleep on the day of the wedding. They drew times in half hour intervals out of a hat (actually a camera case, but who's keeping track?) starting at 7pm and going until 4:30am. It was a 50 rupee (50 cent) buy in. I was a player as well because if I stayed up until 5am, I won the money. Read on for the results.
The wedding of one of the worker's sister was this weekend and all the volunteers were invited. We all dressed in saris and sarongs, which made for some fun pictures. (I'll get them from people later.) The wedding was actually Catholic and the Mass was all in Sinhala, but I managed to know at least what was going on. None of the Europeans are religious, it's kinda weird. The reception had some Sri Lankan dancers and every table had a bottle of Johnny Walker Red. There was free beer and good food. We started drinking around 1. Every time I looked away or left, they spiked my beer or drink with whiskey. Actually, they did this while I was holding my drink and looking right at them, too. I took it all in stride. We ended up being one of the last groups to leave the place at like 4. It was really tame and almost disappointing, but still fun. After the wedding we had a 2 hour drive back to Colombo, which was going to be my first real challenge in the bet. But, I made sure that if I can't sleep, nobody can. I ended up thinking of teaching the Europeans mafia, which was a lot of fun and kept me awake. We went to an English pub when we got back and ate and drank more beer. We pretty much drank for another 4 hours. Every half hour after 7 I made a tally on my arm for beating a time. I had to make it to 20 tallies. The pub closed early, so we went to this club that was kinda crappy. A group of us just wanted to have a beer and chill as opposed to dance, so we went searching for another pub. On our way we chatted with the guys working at Pizza Hut because they have to know where a pub is. They actually got the manager to direct us to a bar: the Winter Palace. We walk down the road and find the place. They wanted a cover, and we didn't want to pay, so we left, but they came after us and told us we didn't have to pay. Everyone loves white people. This also turned out to be a dance club, but we were like, whatever. So we're stitting there chatting and Sam says, "I bet that woman is a prostitute." I look and laugh and agree. Then we look around some more. There are older men in suits and all the girls look like prostitutes. There are no other girls in the club except the ones we brought. "There's no way this is a brothel." So we're sitting there drinking and notice that people keep coming and going out of this set of doors. Now we're intrigued. So two of the girls ask what's back there and it turns out to be the bathrooms. Bathrooms with lockers full of lingerie. That pretty much confirmed the brothel hypothesis. We decided not to talk to any of the women, no matter how hilarious it would have been because we didn't want to have them think the wrong thing. There was one other white guy in his late 20's there dancing with this girl who could not have been older than 15. She was very likely 14. He looked over at us and got a really guilty look on his face. We left after about an hour. I've now had a drink at a Sri Lankan brothel.
We get back to the 'hotel' about 2:30am. I have 2 and a half hour left to stay awake, as I haven't fallen asleep yet. Pretty much everyone crashes right away, but thankfully I stayed up talking to Jackie for a while. After she fell asleep I had about an hour and a half. I have one hour left. I'm in a room that looks like a set for the 4th Saw movie. It's dark. I'm in Sri Lanka. It's 4am. There are noises outside. I can't help but think of every scary movie I've seen. Jackie sleeping in the room is not helping because I swear she's going to open her eyes and they're going to be white and she's going to start talking in a demonic voice. I managed to keep my mind off of the many ways I could die long enough to get to 5am. I was the only one of our group to stay up till 5am. VICTORIOUS!
I made a reference to The Karate Kid to all the Europeans who just stared at me. I said, "Nevermind, I'll just be over here singing the Star Spangled Banner..."
Sorry about this mammoth post, but I had lots to tell. (I know I should have used that joke for the elephant post, but I only thought of it now.) I hope Halloween weekend was fun back in Madison. Post more comments, they make me happy.
Kurt
I'm going to start today with stories from the women's hospital. They will be graphic.
Ketumathie was a mansion that was donated by the owners as a hospital. It's really nice and pretty much better than Base Hospital in every way. What I do is pretty unorganized so it's kinda random (I sat in the neo-natal care ward for an hour waiting for someone who never came.) But I've been spending lots of time in the labor room:
You walk into a room that's lit, but not bright. Seven beds lay in front of you, each holding a woman. As you bat the flies away from your head, you're greeted by someone wearing a rubber apron and bloody gloves. You hear screaming from all sides. Immediately to your right there is a woman with her legs spread apart and blood covering her genitals. The next bed over the woman is screaming as three people are yelling at her and pushing on her stomach. A head emerges and then the rest of a pale creature, still attached by a cord. Even though the mother has stooped screaming, the child takes over with screams of his own. As the baby is taken away, the mother is still bleeding. Mere feet away, the woman next to her just witnessed the fate that would be hers in a few short minutes.
That narrative aside, the labor room isn't much different. There are seven beds and there were 3 births within an hour on Friday. There's a lot of blood and I can't help imagining that most of my cheerleader friends will never have normal childbirths. There has been tearing in every one I've seen. They actually usually cut the tear so it's at least controlled. The actual birth is surprisingly non-bloody. The baby is whiteish and screams a lot. On Friday, after the birth, the doctor that delivered cut the umbilical cord and then ran, actually ran, across the labor room to this little emergency table while holding a 3 second old baby. Many nurses rushed over and a man wearing jeans even came into the room to give his expertise. (I'm guessing he was one of the senior doctors.) The baby wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating normally. They fixed the problems, so the baby is fine, but it was kinda tense for a little bit. They do actually wear gloves in this hospital because you kinda have to, so that's good. I also work with a doctor doing charting for him. We saw 50 babies in an hour and 45 minutes. I pretty much wrote as fast as I could the whole time.
A little backstory: We usually go out on weekends and drink. I kinda get tired and fall asleep at times in bars. They even made of game of stacking stuff on me and whoever woke me up lost. I even provide entertainment while sleeping. Anyway, I've gotten a reputation for falling asleep, so they decided to take bets on when I'll fall asleep on the day of the wedding. They drew times in half hour intervals out of a hat (actually a camera case, but who's keeping track?) starting at 7pm and going until 4:30am. It was a 50 rupee (50 cent) buy in. I was a player as well because if I stayed up until 5am, I won the money. Read on for the results.
The wedding of one of the worker's sister was this weekend and all the volunteers were invited. We all dressed in saris and sarongs, which made for some fun pictures. (I'll get them from people later.) The wedding was actually Catholic and the Mass was all in Sinhala, but I managed to know at least what was going on. None of the Europeans are religious, it's kinda weird. The reception had some Sri Lankan dancers and every table had a bottle of Johnny Walker Red. There was free beer and good food. We started drinking around 1. Every time I looked away or left, they spiked my beer or drink with whiskey. Actually, they did this while I was holding my drink and looking right at them, too. I took it all in stride. We ended up being one of the last groups to leave the place at like 4. It was really tame and almost disappointing, but still fun. After the wedding we had a 2 hour drive back to Colombo, which was going to be my first real challenge in the bet. But, I made sure that if I can't sleep, nobody can. I ended up thinking of teaching the Europeans mafia, which was a lot of fun and kept me awake. We went to an English pub when we got back and ate and drank more beer. We pretty much drank for another 4 hours. Every half hour after 7 I made a tally on my arm for beating a time. I had to make it to 20 tallies. The pub closed early, so we went to this club that was kinda crappy. A group of us just wanted to have a beer and chill as opposed to dance, so we went searching for another pub. On our way we chatted with the guys working at Pizza Hut because they have to know where a pub is. They actually got the manager to direct us to a bar: the Winter Palace. We walk down the road and find the place. They wanted a cover, and we didn't want to pay, so we left, but they came after us and told us we didn't have to pay. Everyone loves white people. This also turned out to be a dance club, but we were like, whatever. So we're stitting there chatting and Sam says, "I bet that woman is a prostitute." I look and laugh and agree. Then we look around some more. There are older men in suits and all the girls look like prostitutes. There are no other girls in the club except the ones we brought. "There's no way this is a brothel." So we're sitting there drinking and notice that people keep coming and going out of this set of doors. Now we're intrigued. So two of the girls ask what's back there and it turns out to be the bathrooms. Bathrooms with lockers full of lingerie. That pretty much confirmed the brothel hypothesis. We decided not to talk to any of the women, no matter how hilarious it would have been because we didn't want to have them think the wrong thing. There was one other white guy in his late 20's there dancing with this girl who could not have been older than 15. She was very likely 14. He looked over at us and got a really guilty look on his face. We left after about an hour. I've now had a drink at a Sri Lankan brothel.
We get back to the 'hotel' about 2:30am. I have 2 and a half hour left to stay awake, as I haven't fallen asleep yet. Pretty much everyone crashes right away, but thankfully I stayed up talking to Jackie for a while. After she fell asleep I had about an hour and a half. I have one hour left. I'm in a room that looks like a set for the 4th Saw movie. It's dark. I'm in Sri Lanka. It's 4am. There are noises outside. I can't help but think of every scary movie I've seen. Jackie sleeping in the room is not helping because I swear she's going to open her eyes and they're going to be white and she's going to start talking in a demonic voice. I managed to keep my mind off of the many ways I could die long enough to get to 5am. I was the only one of our group to stay up till 5am. VICTORIOUS!
I made a reference to The Karate Kid to all the Europeans who just stared at me. I said, "Nevermind, I'll just be over here singing the Star Spangled Banner..."
Sorry about this mammoth post, but I had lots to tell. (I know I should have used that joke for the elephant post, but I only thought of it now.) I hope Halloween weekend was fun back in Madison. Post more comments, they make me happy.
Kurt
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
More fun times
I was woken up the other night by two monkeys having sex outside my bedroom in the woods. How am I supposed to chip with that going on?
A few responses to some questions:
Dustin, they put tape on my leg over the cuts, but it never got within a foot of my skin. I actually shaved my leg so I didn't have to scream every time I changed the bandages. The hair that was shaved off was used to clothe 100 orphans.
Craig, I mostly wish I had one more American here to get my jokes, but I just keep making them and hope someone will get the reference.
We went to Hikkadua and Unawatuna this past weekend. The night in Hikkadua was pretty much doom all around, not even the least of which was me almost killing Marieke twice. (Pronounced ma-REE-ka) It was raining a lot and we started drinking semi-early. Before we went out to dinner, I picked up Marieke over my shoulder and was going to pretend to put her out in the rain. Then I slipped on the concrete and fell. I took most of the impact, but she still hit her head. She was shaken up, but there was no need to go to the hospital. After dinner we drank more at the hotel and I did some monkey sex impressions to much applause and horror. We decided to wear sarongs out to the club that night because, why not? There were some guys that met up with us that were really being douchey to me, so I was in a pissy mood. This surprises none of you. At the club, I was still in a pissy mood, but eventually Marieke got me to dance with her. At one point I realized that my sarong was completely around my ankles while we were dancing. It's ok, the women loved it. So we're dancing and everything is fun, but there was a step on the dancefloor leading up to the stage. During one of the American-Dutch spins, she tripped over it and fell. I did catch most of her as I had her hand at the time. But she started freaking out and thought she broke her ankle. I really didn't think it was broken, nor did a bunch of other people (who are certified physical therapists (I'll take The Rapists for 200, Alex)), but Marieke wouldn't listen and kept crying. Eventually, some of the people went to the hospital and had to stay until 9 the next morning when she was sober. Anyway, I left soon after (but not before losing my phone) with two of the new volunteers. We wandered around the streets at 3am looking for our hotel. Oh yeah, Gentle Ben was puking the whole time. (Gentle Ben is a 17 year old volunteer who probably weighs 250. He's like 6'2", so it's not that bad though). We found our home in the end.
We started drinking at 9:30am the next day and stayed drunk pretty much all day. We played soccer on the beach in Unawatuna with some local Sri Lankans. We played skins vs skins. I was in goal, so I helped America look better than usual in the international soccer world. We also went swimming, which I had to wrap my leg in a garbage bag and rolls of tape so I could go in the ocean. It still got wet, but the Arrack helped me not feel anything.
I have some stories about the women's hospital, but I'll have to write those later. Tomorrow is Poya Day (national holiday on the full moon) so we have off work. If this place is open, maybe I'll stop by.
USA! USA! USA!
-Kurt
A few responses to some questions:
Dustin, they put tape on my leg over the cuts, but it never got within a foot of my skin. I actually shaved my leg so I didn't have to scream every time I changed the bandages. The hair that was shaved off was used to clothe 100 orphans.
Craig, I mostly wish I had one more American here to get my jokes, but I just keep making them and hope someone will get the reference.
We went to Hikkadua and Unawatuna this past weekend. The night in Hikkadua was pretty much doom all around, not even the least of which was me almost killing Marieke twice. (Pronounced ma-REE-ka) It was raining a lot and we started drinking semi-early. Before we went out to dinner, I picked up Marieke over my shoulder and was going to pretend to put her out in the rain. Then I slipped on the concrete and fell. I took most of the impact, but she still hit her head. She was shaken up, but there was no need to go to the hospital. After dinner we drank more at the hotel and I did some monkey sex impressions to much applause and horror. We decided to wear sarongs out to the club that night because, why not? There were some guys that met up with us that were really being douchey to me, so I was in a pissy mood. This surprises none of you. At the club, I was still in a pissy mood, but eventually Marieke got me to dance with her. At one point I realized that my sarong was completely around my ankles while we were dancing. It's ok, the women loved it. So we're dancing and everything is fun, but there was a step on the dancefloor leading up to the stage. During one of the American-Dutch spins, she tripped over it and fell. I did catch most of her as I had her hand at the time. But she started freaking out and thought she broke her ankle. I really didn't think it was broken, nor did a bunch of other people (who are certified physical therapists (I'll take The Rapists for 200, Alex)), but Marieke wouldn't listen and kept crying. Eventually, some of the people went to the hospital and had to stay until 9 the next morning when she was sober. Anyway, I left soon after (but not before losing my phone) with two of the new volunteers. We wandered around the streets at 3am looking for our hotel. Oh yeah, Gentle Ben was puking the whole time. (Gentle Ben is a 17 year old volunteer who probably weighs 250. He's like 6'2", so it's not that bad though). We found our home in the end.
We started drinking at 9:30am the next day and stayed drunk pretty much all day. We played soccer on the beach in Unawatuna with some local Sri Lankans. We played skins vs skins. I was in goal, so I helped America look better than usual in the international soccer world. We also went swimming, which I had to wrap my leg in a garbage bag and rolls of tape so I could go in the ocean. It still got wet, but the Arrack helped me not feel anything.
I have some stories about the women's hospital, but I'll have to write those later. Tomorrow is Poya Day (national holiday on the full moon) so we have off work. If this place is open, maybe I'll stop by.
USA! USA! USA!
-Kurt
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Stuff
So, it's just barely not Wednesday for you guys right now, so I only lied a little. The Photobucket site is: http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee127/kurtissrilanka. Thanks, sis.
While at the elephant orphanage, I was petting this elephant and then it grabbed my crotch with its trunk. I think it just thought it lost part of its trunk and was trying to get it back. (CONTEST ALERT! Think you're funnier than me? Post the joke you would have made in the comments section.)
A story that reminds me of something that happened to E-Dubbs happened to me at the hospital. I was looking at an X-ray of this patient's pelvis because she complained of joint pain with her other symptoms. They were checking to see if there was any inflammation in her hip joints with the X-ray. This was almost impossible to see and one of the doctors even missed it, so I was really staring at this X-ray. Then I see this outline and am like, "What is that?" Yeah, it was a perfect outline of a vagina, or I guess labia. I thought of Eric with his girlfriend and parents and just had to laugh.
I was thinking the other day about how kids back home are scared of monsters under the bed and in the closet. (See Monsters, Inc. for a full study.) I think here they don't have stuff like that. I think the kids ask their dad if they can check under their beds for giant spiders. And you know the dad's thinking, "Damn, there's gotta be at least one under there." So he checks and then starts screaming. The kid freaks out. Several minutes and a bloody baseball bat later, the dad tucks his kid back in and says goodnight. At least in America your parents know there's not going to be a Boogey Man in the closet. Here, that's the least of your worries. (Author's note, the actual spider was as big as a tarantula, just not hairy. If I held it in my palm, aside from the screaming, half of its legs would touch my fingers, the other half my wrist.)
I put the rest of my pictures up on Photobucket. I might put some descriptions on, but I don't know. Facebook has some more of me too.
I finished re-reading Harry Potter 7. I liked it better this time, but still not as much as 6 or 4. It didn't seem to drag on as much this time at least.
I don't think I ever gave a full account of my room. The house is like any normal house, just with flying cockroaches and other bugs. Lisette and I have rooms upstairs. My room is decent sized and it has a little bathroom in it. The bathroom is about 3.5 feet wide and 4.5 feet long at best. It has a toilet and after you're done peeing, you turn without moving and there's the sink. (That doesn't work so well for the girls.) But, there's also a showerhead coming out of the wall over everything. So, not only is it the size of a phonebooth, the shower gets everything soaking wet whenever I shower.
The kids at tsunami camp love it when I pick them up and spin them around or throw them in the air. I just hope I don't drop one.
I start at the women's hospital tomorrow, so I should get to see some cool stuff. For those of you planning on getting pregnant soon, I'll pick up some tips.
-Kurt
While at the elephant orphanage, I was petting this elephant and then it grabbed my crotch with its trunk. I think it just thought it lost part of its trunk and was trying to get it back. (CONTEST ALERT! Think you're funnier than me? Post the joke you would have made in the comments section.)
A story that reminds me of something that happened to E-Dubbs happened to me at the hospital. I was looking at an X-ray of this patient's pelvis because she complained of joint pain with her other symptoms. They were checking to see if there was any inflammation in her hip joints with the X-ray. This was almost impossible to see and one of the doctors even missed it, so I was really staring at this X-ray. Then I see this outline and am like, "What is that?" Yeah, it was a perfect outline of a vagina, or I guess labia. I thought of Eric with his girlfriend and parents and just had to laugh.
I was thinking the other day about how kids back home are scared of monsters under the bed and in the closet. (See Monsters, Inc. for a full study.) I think here they don't have stuff like that. I think the kids ask their dad if they can check under their beds for giant spiders. And you know the dad's thinking, "Damn, there's gotta be at least one under there." So he checks and then starts screaming. The kid freaks out. Several minutes and a bloody baseball bat later, the dad tucks his kid back in and says goodnight. At least in America your parents know there's not going to be a Boogey Man in the closet. Here, that's the least of your worries. (Author's note, the actual spider was as big as a tarantula, just not hairy. If I held it in my palm, aside from the screaming, half of its legs would touch my fingers, the other half my wrist.)
I put the rest of my pictures up on Photobucket. I might put some descriptions on, but I don't know. Facebook has some more of me too.
I finished re-reading Harry Potter 7. I liked it better this time, but still not as much as 6 or 4. It didn't seem to drag on as much this time at least.
I don't think I ever gave a full account of my room. The house is like any normal house, just with flying cockroaches and other bugs. Lisette and I have rooms upstairs. My room is decent sized and it has a little bathroom in it. The bathroom is about 3.5 feet wide and 4.5 feet long at best. It has a toilet and after you're done peeing, you turn without moving and there's the sink. (That doesn't work so well for the girls.) But, there's also a showerhead coming out of the wall over everything. So, not only is it the size of a phonebooth, the shower gets everything soaking wet whenever I shower.
The kids at tsunami camp love it when I pick them up and spin them around or throw them in the air. I just hope I don't drop one.
I start at the women's hospital tomorrow, so I should get to see some cool stuff. For those of you planning on getting pregnant soon, I'll pick up some tips.
-Kurt
Monday, October 15, 2007
Photobucket
I created a Photobucket account. I don't know how to tell you all the address though. I'm still working on that. Later this week. Really. Wednesday? That sounds about right. The name is "kurtissrilanka" See if that helps.
Also, my leg is healing nicely. It feels much better than before and the swelling went way down. (Ok, I actually had something funny to put here, but I can't remember what it was. I'm just stalling for time.)
Also, my leg is healing nicely. It feels much better than before and the swelling went way down. (Ok, I actually had something funny to put here, but I can't remember what it was. I'm just stalling for time.)
Sweet, Sweet Kandy
Sorry it's been a while, folks, but I've been busy. I'm going to start out with something depressing I found out and then it'll get more fun. While talking to one of the doctors here, he asked me about salaries for doctors in the US. He then told me his salary, which comes out to $265 a month. Senior doctors will make $350 a month. I make more in 2 weeks working at Target. I found that horribly unfair and unjust. It's just different here.
Anyway, last week I finished my rounds in general medicine by actually going into the operating room. The head surgeon really likes me because I'm foreign and speaks really good English. I did some clinical examinations with him and some other students, so we got to chat quite a bit. After asking what we would do next to this patient that presented with a lump by his groin, I said, "Perform an ultrasound to confirm the hernia." The doctor gave me a look that said 'Yeah, we'll do that right after we ride unicorns to work and there's peace in the Middle East.' He actually said, "Yes, ideally, but we don't have those facilities." Also, the guy we were examining had fluid buildup in his scrotum from the hernia, so it looked like he had a testicle bigger than my fist. I guess your sac stretches a lot. "Here, palpate and feel how hard it is." "....ok." So, I got to feel this lovely scrotum that was very hard and ridiculously huge. With no gloves on. We washed our hands after, so it was totally ok. So, the day after I got to second base with a random Sri Lankan guy, this other student and I got to go into the OR to watch some surgeries. I handled it better than I thought I would, only getting kinda sickened by the surgeon cutting a tendon inside this woman's wrist, but I was totally OK with this guy's stomach wide open. The first surgery I watched as a circumcision. (Let's all wait for the joke.) The doctors were discussing why he was having the circumcision and said that it was for medical, not religious reasons. There was a lot of awkward looking around the room from the younger doctors and a really loud silence before the head surgeon realized he had to ask me the question everyone in the room was wondering, "Are you Jewish?" You could actually hear everyone in the room relax when I said no.
I'm going to explain real quick a game the three guys here (Sam, Gareth, and me) play with the girls. It's called Lies. We tell the girls outrageous things and they believe us. I told Michelle that Spiderman was based on real events and Sam asked Marieke to get him a left-handed paint roller from the other room. These will come up in my narration.
This past weekend we went to Kandy, which is in the hill country at the center of the country, about a 4 hour bus ride away. It's a little cooler there and it's really beautiful. Lisette and I showed up before the people from Galle because their train took forever. We were sitting at this restaurant where we were staying, and there was nobody there except the managers and owners. One of them really took a shine to me and wouldn't stop talking to us, but mostly me. He kept saying that I could be his son and that he had a daughter my age that I should meet. He even held my hand while he was pointing out where else to visit on a large map of Sri Lanka. (It's customary over here for two guys to hold hands, but it wasn't any less uncomfortable.) On Saturday we went to the elephant orphanage. I asked Marieke if she'd ask if we could see the elephant hatchery. Their eggs are huge. At the orphanage they have a bunch of elephants in this field with really no protection between you and them. The guys have there little spears, but it's an elephant. Let's throw a toothpick at a tank and see if it stops. We got to pet the elephants and took some cool pictures and then went to where the elephants get to swim in the water. Hopefully I'll be able to post pics of that. They let you get in the water near an elephant if you give them a little money. Once again, we get to see how few rules they have here. I think I'm going to try to put my pictures on photobucket. See how many gigantic penises you can find. We also got to go for a short ride on some elephants. Chloe (who watches 24 and might be my favorite person in the world) rode with me and didn't stop freaking out the whole time. I got a picture holding the little spear while riding the elephant with her. I told her I could totally control the elephant with that thing, but that was another lie.
Then we went to buy saris and sarongs for a wedding in two weeks. (Diwali!) This hour in the shop may have been the best of the trip. So, every time I bumped into someone, "Oh, sorry." Sam and Gareth are just as bad as me. After Sam took a while picking out a sarong, he said, "Hey guys, sorry that took sarong." "That just was sarong, man" We also invented a game called So Wrong. We wore our sarongs out one night (they're pretty much ankle length dresses) and whenever we were sitting with the group, we'd see how far we could pull it up before the girls noticed. We're not even close to mature enough to wear those. The puns continued all weekend.
We also visited a botanical garden (the square bushes grow from square seeds...) and saw some traditional Kandy dancing. They played with a bunch of fire towards the end and actually encouraged people to sit right by them to ensure you got covered in ashes. I will miss those things when I go back to the US.
Random stories:
I was in bed reading one night and all of a sudden this thing crawls across my ceiling. It could have been The Thing from the Adams Family, but no it was a spider. I've actually seen this spider in a zoo before. It's called the Sri Lankan Screaming Spider because if you actually see one in the wild, you can't stop screaming for 10 minutes. Aragog was like, "Dude, that spider's huge." So in my extreme desire to kill it, but my secondary desire to want to get a picture, I did manage to get a bag picture of it before I killed it. I hoped to never see one again. (We saw one in Kandy...)
I really wish there was just one more American here. Someone had a Kit Kat bar and wanted to know if I wanted a piece, so I said, "Yeah, break me off a piece of that." Nobody got the joke.
There's pic on facebook of the hole I fell into, it was added by someone else. Go check it out.
When we woke up on Saturday morning, there were about 1,000 bugs on the floor of the place we were staying. It looked like a horror movie.
I'm going to try to put up some pictures. I have to go to tsumani camp soon, so I might not get the chance. This week though, really. I'll make another effort and tell you about how I failed. Really, I will.
-Kurt
Anyway, last week I finished my rounds in general medicine by actually going into the operating room. The head surgeon really likes me because I'm foreign and speaks really good English. I did some clinical examinations with him and some other students, so we got to chat quite a bit. After asking what we would do next to this patient that presented with a lump by his groin, I said, "Perform an ultrasound to confirm the hernia." The doctor gave me a look that said 'Yeah, we'll do that right after we ride unicorns to work and there's peace in the Middle East.' He actually said, "Yes, ideally, but we don't have those facilities." Also, the guy we were examining had fluid buildup in his scrotum from the hernia, so it looked like he had a testicle bigger than my fist. I guess your sac stretches a lot. "Here, palpate and feel how hard it is." "....ok." So, I got to feel this lovely scrotum that was very hard and ridiculously huge. With no gloves on. We washed our hands after, so it was totally ok. So, the day after I got to second base with a random Sri Lankan guy, this other student and I got to go into the OR to watch some surgeries. I handled it better than I thought I would, only getting kinda sickened by the surgeon cutting a tendon inside this woman's wrist, but I was totally OK with this guy's stomach wide open. The first surgery I watched as a circumcision. (Let's all wait for the joke.) The doctors were discussing why he was having the circumcision and said that it was for medical, not religious reasons. There was a lot of awkward looking around the room from the younger doctors and a really loud silence before the head surgeon realized he had to ask me the question everyone in the room was wondering, "Are you Jewish?" You could actually hear everyone in the room relax when I said no.
I'm going to explain real quick a game the three guys here (Sam, Gareth, and me) play with the girls. It's called Lies. We tell the girls outrageous things and they believe us. I told Michelle that Spiderman was based on real events and Sam asked Marieke to get him a left-handed paint roller from the other room. These will come up in my narration.
This past weekend we went to Kandy, which is in the hill country at the center of the country, about a 4 hour bus ride away. It's a little cooler there and it's really beautiful. Lisette and I showed up before the people from Galle because their train took forever. We were sitting at this restaurant where we were staying, and there was nobody there except the managers and owners. One of them really took a shine to me and wouldn't stop talking to us, but mostly me. He kept saying that I could be his son and that he had a daughter my age that I should meet. He even held my hand while he was pointing out where else to visit on a large map of Sri Lanka. (It's customary over here for two guys to hold hands, but it wasn't any less uncomfortable.) On Saturday we went to the elephant orphanage. I asked Marieke if she'd ask if we could see the elephant hatchery. Their eggs are huge. At the orphanage they have a bunch of elephants in this field with really no protection between you and them. The guys have there little spears, but it's an elephant. Let's throw a toothpick at a tank and see if it stops. We got to pet the elephants and took some cool pictures and then went to where the elephants get to swim in the water. Hopefully I'll be able to post pics of that. They let you get in the water near an elephant if you give them a little money. Once again, we get to see how few rules they have here. I think I'm going to try to put my pictures on photobucket. See how many gigantic penises you can find. We also got to go for a short ride on some elephants. Chloe (who watches 24 and might be my favorite person in the world) rode with me and didn't stop freaking out the whole time. I got a picture holding the little spear while riding the elephant with her. I told her I could totally control the elephant with that thing, but that was another lie.
Then we went to buy saris and sarongs for a wedding in two weeks. (Diwali!) This hour in the shop may have been the best of the trip. So, every time I bumped into someone, "Oh, sorry." Sam and Gareth are just as bad as me. After Sam took a while picking out a sarong, he said, "Hey guys, sorry that took sarong." "That just was sarong, man" We also invented a game called So Wrong. We wore our sarongs out one night (they're pretty much ankle length dresses) and whenever we were sitting with the group, we'd see how far we could pull it up before the girls noticed. We're not even close to mature enough to wear those. The puns continued all weekend.
We also visited a botanical garden (the square bushes grow from square seeds...) and saw some traditional Kandy dancing. They played with a bunch of fire towards the end and actually encouraged people to sit right by them to ensure you got covered in ashes. I will miss those things when I go back to the US.
Random stories:
I was in bed reading one night and all of a sudden this thing crawls across my ceiling. It could have been The Thing from the Adams Family, but no it was a spider. I've actually seen this spider in a zoo before. It's called the Sri Lankan Screaming Spider because if you actually see one in the wild, you can't stop screaming for 10 minutes. Aragog was like, "Dude, that spider's huge." So in my extreme desire to kill it, but my secondary desire to want to get a picture, I did manage to get a bag picture of it before I killed it. I hoped to never see one again. (We saw one in Kandy...)
I really wish there was just one more American here. Someone had a Kit Kat bar and wanted to know if I wanted a piece, so I said, "Yeah, break me off a piece of that." Nobody got the joke.
There's pic on facebook of the hole I fell into, it was added by someone else. Go check it out.
When we woke up on Saturday morning, there were about 1,000 bugs on the floor of the place we were staying. It looked like a horror movie.
I'm going to try to put up some pictures. I have to go to tsumani camp soon, so I might not get the chance. This week though, really. I'll make another effort and tell you about how I failed. Really, I will.
-Kurt
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Quotes
If you didn't read the update before this one, read it, it's kinda important.
This is a quick update with some random quotes and happenings.
"Usually Americans are very tall. You look like you could be Asian." The doctor I work with my first day.
There are stray dogs everywhere and two of them cornered a smaller one in the corner of the restaurant we were at. There was a lot of growling and barking. What I wanted to say was, "That sounds like bad news for the little dog." but since I was surrounded by English people, I had to ask if anyone would understand a Michael Vick joke. No one had ever heard of him.
Since I hang out with British people a lot, I'm starting to use British colloquialisms like and pronounciations. Feel free to make fun of me when I return.
"Chicago is a city full of mad people and thieves. It is very notorious." One of the doctors at work. I didn't know it was still the 1920's in Sri Lanka.
If I can get it to work, I'll post some pictures. I redressed my wound, so I'm not worried about losing my leg anymore.
-Kurt
This is a quick update with some random quotes and happenings.
"Usually Americans are very tall. You look like you could be Asian." The doctor I work with my first day.
There are stray dogs everywhere and two of them cornered a smaller one in the corner of the restaurant we were at. There was a lot of growling and barking. What I wanted to say was, "That sounds like bad news for the little dog." but since I was surrounded by English people, I had to ask if anyone would understand a Michael Vick joke. No one had ever heard of him.
Since I hang out with British people a lot, I'm starting to use British colloquialisms like and pronounciations. Feel free to make fun of me when I return.
"Chicago is a city full of mad people and thieves. It is very notorious." One of the doctors at work. I didn't know it was still the 1920's in Sri Lanka.
If I can get it to work, I'll post some pictures. I redressed my wound, so I'm not worried about losing my leg anymore.
-Kurt
Monday, October 8, 2007
Unawatuna
This weekend was really eventful. But, first, make sure my mom doesn't read this. She will hear everything in good time, but I really don't want her worrying about me any more than she already is. (Obvious foreshadowing)
I had my first day at the hospital on Friday. The hospital is crowded and filthy. I remember thinking how I wish I never had to lay in one of those beds because they look really dirty. (Foreshadowing #2) Lauren described it as "The most soul-destroying place I've ever been." I'm learning a lot at the hospital and getting to see some things that I definitely would not get to see here.
This weekend we went to Unawatuna, which is a resort town south of where I'm staying. The bus ride down there was 2 hours and I stood for most of it or sat on a metal bar which made my arse hurt a lot. The rooms where we stayed were less than $20 a night and they were right on the ocean, and had AC and hot water. I know, we splurged. I shared a room with two of the girls and apparently I kick in the night. Friday I met a bunch of the other volunteers, everyone but the girl I live with and me are from the UK, Lisette is Dutch. Jackie started calling me Turk because she initially thought it was my name backwards, but now it's kinda stuck. She also watches Scrubs, so it's cool from that angle too. I went ankle deep in the ocean just to see how it was on Friday. Since I was wearing leather Gap sandals, the water weakened then and they broke soon after. (1) They were probably made here anyway, so it's only fitting that they died in their homeland. We drank at the hotel that night and then danced at the restaurant, which was fun. They had a drink here called Arrack which tastes like really smooth Brandy. I'll be getting some to bring home. Saturday we swam most of the day and went shopping. It was cloudy, so I didn't get burned or anything, so that was kinda nice. The Indian Ocean is much rougher than the Atlantic or Pacific, but it was fun. That night we all had dinner, celebrated Sam's birthday, and drank again. We did some karaoke at the restaurant bar and hung out. It was a good time. It started pouring rain at one point, so we went out into it for fun. We went down by the ocean and it stole one of the sandals I bought that day. (2) (I gave the Irish goodbye that night, but I made it safely back to the room, or close enough) The next day I had to buy another pair of sandals and make a trip to the bank because one of the girls had her purse stolen, which really sucks for her because all of her stuff was in there. We swam and hung out some more on Sunday and also went to a sea turtle refuge. They let you hold the 2 week old baby turtles, so I have pictures of that. I love countries with no rules. We then headed back around 4:30. It gets completely dark here by 6:30, so by the end of the bus ride back it was pitch black. There are also very few street lights.
Now the fun part. So there are open drains/gutters/sewers full of garbage and grey water that run all over Panadura. It makes the city smell awful. There are concrete slabs over some of these drains, but many of them are open, or just missing random slabs. We got off the bus and were talking for a bit and making sure we had everything before heading home. As we left, the first step I took was into the gutter because a slab was missing. I went, full weight into the next concrete slab with my shin, my hip hit the side and, as I caught myself, my feet just touched the water. I managed to catch myself before fully falling in, but it was still chest high. I pulled myself out and the first thing I said was, "I'm so pissed I lost another shoe." (3) Then I got dizzy, sat down and fainted on the sidewalk. They said I was out for about a minute and when I came to, I had no idea where I was, what I was doing, or how I got there. I was with 4 girls I've known for less than a week, so I didn't recognize anyone. After about a minute, I started remembering where I was and looked at my leg. There is a giant chunk out of my shin (it's still kinda bleeding, and this is about a day later.) There are two more scraped on my shin and both my feet have scrapes all over them, as does my elbow. My hip has a pretty good bruise on it and it hurts when I walk. Anyway, I'm laying on the sidewalk and a small crowd of locals is gathering wanting to help the pretty white girls, two of which are freaking out. I saw that I didn't need stitches, but I needed to go to the hospital. Thankfully it was a block away so I'm now entering soul-destroying Panadura hospital with a leg covered in blood. As I was waiting to be seen, there was a guy on a stretcher (all stainless steel gurney) with the end of his arm wrapped. I don't say "hand" because his hand was in a bucket that was on the gurney with him. Anyway, his need was greater than mine, so they took him off to surgery. I was then seen (Jackie accidentally told them my name was Turk) and brought into a room that I would not like to have eaten a meal in, let alone have a wound dressed. There was a gecko on the wall. This guy cleaned it with iodine and put some really ghetto bandages on it. Actually, ghetto is too nice. The best adjective is "broke-ass". I still don't feel like I can walk, so they got me one of those awesome steel gurneys and took me to a ward. Yep, they put me in one of those beds I never wanted to lay in. Two of the girls stayed with me and came into the ward, which, being an all guys ward, raised morale enough to save at least 2 lives. They had a nice fan club gathering nearby the whole time I was there. They asked if I wanted to wait for the doctor (he was in surgery reattaching a hand), and I said no, I just want to lie down for a bit. My host dad came to see me, which was really nice and he talked to the people there for us. We left after about a half hour. I'll post pictures of the wounds and the gutter I fell in eventually. I'm obsessively cleaning my wounds because I don't want it to get infected. They're still really gross.
Thanks for reading this really long post, I hope it was as entertaining for you as it was for my leg. I managed to lose 3 pairs of shoes in 3 days, which I think is some kinda of a record. I'll have to look it up. I'm off to buy bandanges and alcohol for my wounds. Keep reading the blog because you know it's only going to get better.
Kurt
I had my first day at the hospital on Friday. The hospital is crowded and filthy. I remember thinking how I wish I never had to lay in one of those beds because they look really dirty. (Foreshadowing #2) Lauren described it as "The most soul-destroying place I've ever been." I'm learning a lot at the hospital and getting to see some things that I definitely would not get to see here.
This weekend we went to Unawatuna, which is a resort town south of where I'm staying. The bus ride down there was 2 hours and I stood for most of it or sat on a metal bar which made my arse hurt a lot. The rooms where we stayed were less than $20 a night and they were right on the ocean, and had AC and hot water. I know, we splurged. I shared a room with two of the girls and apparently I kick in the night. Friday I met a bunch of the other volunteers, everyone but the girl I live with and me are from the UK, Lisette is Dutch. Jackie started calling me Turk because she initially thought it was my name backwards, but now it's kinda stuck. She also watches Scrubs, so it's cool from that angle too. I went ankle deep in the ocean just to see how it was on Friday. Since I was wearing leather Gap sandals, the water weakened then and they broke soon after. (1) They were probably made here anyway, so it's only fitting that they died in their homeland. We drank at the hotel that night and then danced at the restaurant, which was fun. They had a drink here called Arrack which tastes like really smooth Brandy. I'll be getting some to bring home. Saturday we swam most of the day and went shopping. It was cloudy, so I didn't get burned or anything, so that was kinda nice. The Indian Ocean is much rougher than the Atlantic or Pacific, but it was fun. That night we all had dinner, celebrated Sam's birthday, and drank again. We did some karaoke at the restaurant bar and hung out. It was a good time. It started pouring rain at one point, so we went out into it for fun. We went down by the ocean and it stole one of the sandals I bought that day. (2) (I gave the Irish goodbye that night, but I made it safely back to the room, or close enough) The next day I had to buy another pair of sandals and make a trip to the bank because one of the girls had her purse stolen, which really sucks for her because all of her stuff was in there. We swam and hung out some more on Sunday and also went to a sea turtle refuge. They let you hold the 2 week old baby turtles, so I have pictures of that. I love countries with no rules. We then headed back around 4:30. It gets completely dark here by 6:30, so by the end of the bus ride back it was pitch black. There are also very few street lights.
Now the fun part. So there are open drains/gutters/sewers full of garbage and grey water that run all over Panadura. It makes the city smell awful. There are concrete slabs over some of these drains, but many of them are open, or just missing random slabs. We got off the bus and were talking for a bit and making sure we had everything before heading home. As we left, the first step I took was into the gutter because a slab was missing. I went, full weight into the next concrete slab with my shin, my hip hit the side and, as I caught myself, my feet just touched the water. I managed to catch myself before fully falling in, but it was still chest high. I pulled myself out and the first thing I said was, "I'm so pissed I lost another shoe." (3) Then I got dizzy, sat down and fainted on the sidewalk. They said I was out for about a minute and when I came to, I had no idea where I was, what I was doing, or how I got there. I was with 4 girls I've known for less than a week, so I didn't recognize anyone. After about a minute, I started remembering where I was and looked at my leg. There is a giant chunk out of my shin (it's still kinda bleeding, and this is about a day later.) There are two more scraped on my shin and both my feet have scrapes all over them, as does my elbow. My hip has a pretty good bruise on it and it hurts when I walk. Anyway, I'm laying on the sidewalk and a small crowd of locals is gathering wanting to help the pretty white girls, two of which are freaking out. I saw that I didn't need stitches, but I needed to go to the hospital. Thankfully it was a block away so I'm now entering soul-destroying Panadura hospital with a leg covered in blood. As I was waiting to be seen, there was a guy on a stretcher (all stainless steel gurney) with the end of his arm wrapped. I don't say "hand" because his hand was in a bucket that was on the gurney with him. Anyway, his need was greater than mine, so they took him off to surgery. I was then seen (Jackie accidentally told them my name was Turk) and brought into a room that I would not like to have eaten a meal in, let alone have a wound dressed. There was a gecko on the wall. This guy cleaned it with iodine and put some really ghetto bandages on it. Actually, ghetto is too nice. The best adjective is "broke-ass". I still don't feel like I can walk, so they got me one of those awesome steel gurneys and took me to a ward. Yep, they put me in one of those beds I never wanted to lay in. Two of the girls stayed with me and came into the ward, which, being an all guys ward, raised morale enough to save at least 2 lives. They had a nice fan club gathering nearby the whole time I was there. They asked if I wanted to wait for the doctor (he was in surgery reattaching a hand), and I said no, I just want to lie down for a bit. My host dad came to see me, which was really nice and he talked to the people there for us. We left after about a half hour. I'll post pictures of the wounds and the gutter I fell in eventually. I'm obsessively cleaning my wounds because I don't want it to get infected. They're still really gross.
Thanks for reading this really long post, I hope it was as entertaining for you as it was for my leg. I managed to lose 3 pairs of shoes in 3 days, which I think is some kinda of a record. I'll have to look it up. I'm off to buy bandanges and alcohol for my wounds. Keep reading the blog because you know it's only going to get better.
Kurt
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Holy humidity
You know those really hot and humid days in August that suck. It's like that here. All day.
I arrived safely and with all my luggage. The total real time travel was just over 30 hours and the "clock" time was just over 40. You can imagine how pleasant that was. The stewardesses (the longest word you can type with your left hand) on the Sri Lankan airlines were very hot. They all looked like Manjula, Apu's wife from The Simpsons. That helped make the flight better. I watched Life Free or Die Hard and Harry Potter 5 on the flight. I also watched some Scrubs and The Office. It was glorious. If they would have had a 24 marathon, I wouldn't have left.
There are soldiers with automatic weapons pretty common. Two were riding bicycles and looked really funny. Driving around there are a lot of stray dogs and I even saw one tragically adorable stray puppy. I slept in a hotel the first night and got toured around the hospitals today. My placement changed the day I left, so I'm spending one month in Panadura and the rest at the place I outlined earlier. The one hospital was ridiculously crowded and very hot. The other hospital was a women's hospital and was much quieter. There were some rooms with 20 beds right next to each other with pregnant or just delivered women on them. They also had these mini mosquito nets over the newborns. You know in a cartoon when Jerry does something to Tom and then tries to serve him to the dog on a silver platter with a little silver dome over it? That's what the babies looked like under the nets. I start tomorrow in the general medicine ward of the crowded hospital. It should be exciting.
Tonight, the other volunteers (all girls, booyah) and I are going to a tsunami camp to throw a party for these kids they teach. That should be fun. When we're walking around, kids point and laugh at us because we're white. Lisette said they call her "Ooda" or something like that that means "white person". "Let me guess, "white devil, white devil?"
I'm enjoying the air conditioning of the internet cafe right now. Even in here, I haven't stopped sweating since I arrived. I hope America is still great.
-Kurt
I arrived safely and with all my luggage. The total real time travel was just over 30 hours and the "clock" time was just over 40. You can imagine how pleasant that was. The stewardesses (the longest word you can type with your left hand) on the Sri Lankan airlines were very hot. They all looked like Manjula, Apu's wife from The Simpsons. That helped make the flight better. I watched Life Free or Die Hard and Harry Potter 5 on the flight. I also watched some Scrubs and The Office. It was glorious. If they would have had a 24 marathon, I wouldn't have left.
There are soldiers with automatic weapons pretty common. Two were riding bicycles and looked really funny. Driving around there are a lot of stray dogs and I even saw one tragically adorable stray puppy. I slept in a hotel the first night and got toured around the hospitals today. My placement changed the day I left, so I'm spending one month in Panadura and the rest at the place I outlined earlier. The one hospital was ridiculously crowded and very hot. The other hospital was a women's hospital and was much quieter. There were some rooms with 20 beds right next to each other with pregnant or just delivered women on them. They also had these mini mosquito nets over the newborns. You know in a cartoon when Jerry does something to Tom and then tries to serve him to the dog on a silver platter with a little silver dome over it? That's what the babies looked like under the nets. I start tomorrow in the general medicine ward of the crowded hospital. It should be exciting.
Tonight, the other volunteers (all girls, booyah) and I are going to a tsunami camp to throw a party for these kids they teach. That should be fun. When we're walking around, kids point and laugh at us because we're white. Lisette said they call her "Ooda" or something like that that means "white person". "Let me guess, "white devil, white devil?"
I'm enjoying the air conditioning of the internet cafe right now. Even in here, I haven't stopped sweating since I arrived. I hope America is still great.
-Kurt
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