Monday, December 3, 2007

CTU

The following takes place from 10am to 11am.

Jack is standing over a man on the operating table. He's been in surgery for the past hour and has just put the man on cardiac bypass.

Jack: Chloe, this doesn't look good. See if you can upload his vitals to my PDA.
Chloe: I'm trying, Jack, but the satellite is backed up and we're swamped here.
Jack: I know, just do it as soon as you can. I'm not going to lose this guy.
Chloe: Ok, I sent them and I'm also cross checking his history with the Cardiac Institute of America (CIA) database to see if he's had any complications we don't know about.

Jack makes another cut to continue the valve replacement. He looks to his right and sees a pool of blood forming on the floor.

Jack: What's that? Chloe I think we have a leak in CTU.
Chloe: In the bypass machine? Jack, there's no way we can shut that down right now.
Jack: You need to make sure that workstation is shut down or this entire operation will be compromised.
Chloe: Ok, I'll see what I can do.

Chloe gives the info to the Head of Surgery. He looks it over and calls for security. They go over to the bypass technician.

Head: Sir, I'm going to have to shut this workstation down until further notice. These men will take you to holding.

A separate machine comes in to replace the old one. Jack continues surgery.

Jack: Chloe, I'm having trouble uplinking these two arteries. I may have to go by a different route.
Chloe: Jack, you know CTU won't approve of that and it's hard enough covering for you as it is.
Jack: I'm sorry, but there isn't enough time, we need to finish this now before it's too late.

Jack switches to a different artery and makes the connection.

Jack: Ok, I think this is done. I'm going to take him off bypass and restart his heart.

Jack removes the tubes and gives the injection to kick the heart back on. The heart starts beating erratically.

Jack: Get me the defibrillator!
Chloe: There's no way you're going to shock this man. Give it more time.
Jack: We don't have time, we need to bring him back.
Chloe: They're going to bring you in and I'll lose my job if I get you the defibrillator, I can't do it.
Jack: Fine.

Jack grabs a nearby lamp and pulls the cords out. He splits them and takes them over to the patient.

Jack: Don't make me do this.
Patient:......
Jack: Clear!

Jack shocks the heart and the whole patient's body jumps. The heart beats normally again.

Jack: Alright, Chloe, I think this is done. We just got a tip that there's a man carrying a clot in his body. I'm going to check him out.

2 comments:

Lisa-sis said...

That's one of the funniest things I've read.

Craig said...

Wow. You've got a lot of time on your hands. I'm actually writing a 24 spoof for my law school comedy show and it's unnerving how close the dialogue for my skit, even though it's about a completely different scenario. My favorite part was how people took the bypass machine into holding.